The Toddler Chronicles, No. 12
Gabby recently put our big bird feeder back up in the front yard.
It’s about six feet tall and has several hangers for multiple containers of birdseed. That morning, she had also cleaned the windows and planned to pressure wash the deck—until she discovered the pressure washer was irreversibly broken.
After finishing the outdoor tasks, she pivoted to aggressively cleaning elsewhere in the house. Meanwhile, Lyla, Charlotte, and I were hanging out in the living room, watching Moana 2… again. Birds had already started swarming the feeder. I don’t know what kind of cocaine-laced bird catnip Gabby uses, but they all come in a hurry.
Anyway, at some point, a bird hit the window with an impressive thud and flew away. That’s not uncommon around our house in the summer, especially after the windows have been cleaned and fresh birdseed is out, but for the spring it was kind of early. Regardless, birds love our windows.
Later, Gabby, the girls, and I headed to Menards on a mission to buy a new pressure washer.
When we got back, I set the still-in-the-box pressure washer on the deck and started opening it. Lyla was on the deck behind me, moving around outdoor furniture cushions while Gabby was getting Charlotte out of the van.
Lyla abruptly stopped what she was doing and said, “Look, Dad! I found a bird!”
I turned around, expecting her to be pointing at the feeder. Instead, she was holding an actual, rigor-mortis-stiff bird in her hands.
“Dad, look! Look, Dad! A real live dead bird!” she exclaimed. Then she turned to Gabby and added, “Look, Mom! A giant dead bird!”
Oh, and she was gently petting it.
Gabby quickly instructed her to drop it in the big trash can down on the driveway, since I was too busy laughing to be useful. Surprisingly, Lyla obeyed immediately. She walked down the steps, opened the lid, and gently dropped the bird inside—where it landed with a thud rather similar to the one it made when it first hit the window.
Apparently, the female cardinal hadn’t survived.
Lyla’s hands were thoroughly washed. Several times.
Also, feral kids are way more fun than the tame ones. But the soap budget has been significantly higher.
