If I Were a Contestant on Love Is Blind…
Gabby suckered me into watching this dumb show, and I can legitimately feel my brain cells diminishing as the season progresses.
Gabby and I started watching Season 8 of Love Is Blind the other day. I’m on episode 11 now and I want to gouge my eyes out and emotionally flagellate myself—which, I guess, watching the show itself is kind of a form of emotional flagellation. But I digress…
This one couple, Virginia and the guy whose name escapes me (he has a name—I don’t remember it, but I’m pretty sure he has one), were just now, in episode 11, discussing politics and values seemingly for the first time.
Virginia was saying how she’s a good Christian woman and, because of that, believes women should always have abortion access. The nameless guy said that, as a good Christian dude, he agreed, but he also thought the father should have a say in it since it’s his unborn child too. Then Virginia said, “That’d be the moral thing, but it’s a woman’s body, so her body, her choice, just like God designed it.” Then there was awkward silence.
That’s a super hot take that’s not at all consistent with longstanding Christian tradition, doctrine, or interpretation of scripture.
Then she said she voted Democrat because she’s a good Christian woman (which is fine—I struggle to square that circle with the current Democratic platform, but people are entitled to their questionable opinions). She then added that she had to vote that way because she’s black.
Then the nameless guy—who has a name, I’m sure, but I still don’t recall it—basically said, “I don’t agree with that. My dad is conservative because of his religion. He voted Republican and he’s black.” Then she essentially said, “Well, I’m not talking about him. He doesn’t count…” and kind of implied that he wasn’t really black.
Then there was more awkward silence.
Seriously though, that seems mildly racist at best. The more cynical side of me could easily see it as the soft bigotry of low expectations just manifesting itself as an engaged couple whose values and opinions have been conditioned and eroded by the public and collegiate education systems being featured on trash TV.
Anyway, to remedy this unfortunate episode I’m now fixated on, I decided to think about what I would do if I were a dashingly handsome and agonizingly witty 20- or 30-something-year-old on a streaming platform dating show that commercializes the institution of marriage around the idea that one could fall madly in love with someone rapidly without ever actually visually seeing them.
Here’s what I came up with:
Me: “Hi, I’m Adam. What’s your honest opinion on gun rights and abortion?”
Prospective female: “Oh, well…. [answers].”
[Repeat process until having talked to every female on the show.]
Producer: “We’re going to have to ask you to leave. None of the women here have any moral fortitude and aren’t actually marriage material.”
[I leave and all of my interactions are cut from the show because they didn’t make for good TV.]
The end.
I know it’s not sexy enough for trash TV, but I do know it works and has a very high success rate. That first-date opener landed me with the best wife of all wives, which, surprisingly, is the key to a happy and successful marriage. You just need Gabby.
I hate this show. I love my wife, but I hate this show.
The things I participate in to have a happy and successful marriage. I’m desperate for more episodes of season 3 of Reacher to be released.